Opening up

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After taking this blog “public” recently, I felt I should let my husband know in case he wanted to read it, even though the thought of it made me a little queasy.

When I started the blog, I neglected to tell him about it until several days after my first post. It wasn’t intentional; with the holidays, vacation and all, it just slipped my mind. He was rather put out about it, though, so I didn’t want to make that mistake again.

But baring my soul to an unseen — likely nonexistent — audience in cyberspace is one thing. Knowing my husband was reading my inmost thoughts was another thing altogether.

It wasn’t as if there was anything in it that he didn’t already know. And I promised him this wasn’t husbandshaming.com (although a therapist friend laughingly suggested that could be a great idea for a website!).

So shortly after I changed the blog’s status from private to public, I told him it was “out there” if he wanted to read it. Then I waited nervously for his feedback.

Several hours later, he hadn’t said a word about it, so I had to ask if he’d read it. He had. “And…?” I prompted him.

He thought a moment and said, “I’m OK with it.”

The knot in my stomach finally eased. And a wall that has grown up between us over the last couple of years was breached.

We still have a ways to go to get back the closeness we had earlier in our relationship. But it’s a start.

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